Church Service Bingo!

Addiction Can’t remember what the sermon was about Long pauses in prayer Pastor’s story debunked on Evangelism
Microphone doesn’t work properly Feedback! “we do pray” Third world countries “Is A B, or is B A?”
Choir member falls asleep Global warming FREE Service runs long Crying or babbling child
Pastor tells personal story Injustice Inappropriate joke or story Child makes funny remark during children’s moment “Minute” for mission
Pastor chuckles during prayer “Someone once said…” Musician makes obvious mistake “The planet” Pastor mentions sexuality

7 thoughts on “Church Service Bingo!

  1. As a musician in the band you face an ethical problem if all you need is the bottom square in the center row to go out.

    Alternate squares:
    Disparage family values
    Call classic Bible story an analogy
    Use “just want to” during a prayer
    Scripture reading unrelated to sermon’s message
    Story in sermon has huge ironic twist at end
    Reminding congregation that attendance has been down over the summer so please increase your giving (not sure a single square could hold that)
    Dropped clipboard
    Equate Postmodernism with “healthy skepticism” about whether the Bible is the inerrant word of God (too long)
    “Self critical realism”
    Community is the Answer (I like this one)

    The danger of course is achieving bingo and forgetting where you are, proclaiming victory with loud voice, and then having to stand around with a failed smile.

  2. My contribution: “Pastor opens sermon with a mention of an impending sporting event, popular current movie, or TV show.”

  3. We’d need a bigger bingo card for me, I’m afraid.

    Priest chooses July 4 for “America’s Failings” sermon.
    Priest thanks God that daughter was blowing off work to sleep with boyfriend thereby avoiding the Twin Towers on 9/11 (in a sermon)
    Priest forgets who the star of Singing in the Rain is (during sermon) and asks the other priest if he can remember.
    Priest uses props, like an umbrella (see above) during sermon.
    20-something next to you has no idea, even after 5 times during the service, that she needs to move her foot for the kneeler to be put down/up.
    Woman in front of you likes to stand during prayer. You like to kneel. You find out that she is wearing a thong.
    Parents engrossed in prayer: children building forts with prayerbooks and hymnals.
    Very petite woman directly behind your teenage son is wearing very tight, very low-cut sweater. (Passing the peace becomes son’s favorite part of the service.)
    Woman directly in front of your son wearing a very tight, very short sweater and low-cut pants, has elaborate tattoo on lower back that doesn’t appear to end where her butt crack begins. (Kneeling in prayer becomes son’s favorite part of service.)
    Priest uses statistics (always grim) as starting point of sermon.
    Priest mentions Martin Luther King in every sermon eleven Sundays in a row. Doesn’t appear to realize that he’s doing it until someone tells him there’s a betting pool about the streak (run by me).
    Priest mentions MLK, Mother Theresa, Jimmy Carter, and Desmond Tutu in same sermon. Parishioner (me) shouts “Bingo!”
    Priest takes Oprah show as basis for sermon.
    Man in front row says, in a conversational tone, during the sermon, “Do we know this guy?”
    Man in fifth row (we moved back after that) says after the Umbrella sermon, in a conversational tone during the “reflection” when there is complete silence, “Well, that was insipid.”

  4. I could probably win this in one of you classes:
    Microphone doesn’t work properly
    “Is A B, or is B A?”
    Inappropriate joke or story
    Inappropriate joke or story
    Inappropriate joke or story
    “Someone once said…”
    Musician makes obvious mistake (though not in music.)

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